Distractions Good and Bad

Hi Everyone, 

I’ve been thinking a lot about distractions, the good and the bad. When they are a positive coping skill and when they can stop emotional healing. 

Unfortunately, distractions can be negative . Think Procrastination. This occurs when you use them to completely avoid things that need dealing with, which is not limited to chores or work, but emotional work as well. A common thing that individuals experiencing deep grief do is ‘busy’ themselves, so that they do not have to face their emotions. Why do so many advocate for ‘staying busy’ in times of grief? Mostly because it has inappropriately been labeled as successfully managing one’s grief. 

But, as Tyler Perry in an interview with Oprah very correctly said,

“Grief is a very living thing that visits at random, you can’t schedule it, you can’t, I tried to work it away, I tried to drink it away, I tried to book myself like crazy and all it did was wait for me to finish.”

Yes, Grief will wait until you stop. If one works constantly, drinks alcohol, does drugs, or even exercises more than is healthy, these are all hindrances to doing the emotional work. 

On the flip side, distractions can be a great thing as well. The world is a bit much these days. The news is very rarely good and for me at least, it is overwhelmingly stressful. And on a world level there is nothing to do. Now, I am not advocating ignoring things or failing to act in ways to help better your world or the world around you. 

Because, as I have said before, my favorite quote is by Bishop Desmond Tutu:  ”Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” And I find this is the best “medicine” for the state of the world, and my community.

But, it is ok to take a break from it all. And honestly, it does not need to always be about doing meaningful things. After all, a good juicy mystery book has its merits. 

Some things that personally take me out of the negative mode:

-Watch a good murder mystery or listen to a true crime podcast (I know this seems dark, but it works for me)

-Read a great book that is purely for entertainment

-Turn on the music loud and Cook/Bake new recipes or even old ones that are a bit more complicated as they occupy my thoughts in the moment, (family and friends do benefit from this)

-Organize pretty much anything. Clothes, kitchen cabinets, the car. Etc

- Spend time with friends with one caveat, no talking about current events.

Whatever your go to distractions are, just be sure you are doing them for the right reasons and not to avoid emotional work. Remember, there are over 40 identified types of grief. You are not alone in your feelings.

If you would like to learn more about the Grief Recovery Method®, please reach out to me and schedule a 15 min zoom or phone call.

Book here

If you are feeling overwhelmed by grief, please reach out to a friend or family member for help, or find a therapist to help you. You can also call the National Alliance on Mental Health (Nami's) hotline available 10am-10pm at (800) 950-6264. Or contact NAMI by: Texting "helpline" to 62640. In addition, the national hotline for mental health support is 988 you can call or text. 

Sending lots of light and love to all,

Jan