Should you, Could You?

Hi All, 

Hope you are finding yourself some times of quiet and peace during these very tumultuous times. Remember to BREATHE. 

I decided to write about the power of the word ‘Could’ as opposed to ‘Should’. For some background, I am a big fan of Louise Hay. She was an American motivational author, professional speaker and AIDS advocate. Louise was one of the original teachers of the mind/body connection. She sold over 50 million copies of her many books, and they still remain some of the most popular self healing books today. The two that I reference most often are You Can Heal Your Life and Trust Life. 

“Trust Life” is a book of Louise’s favorite teachings, which is organized and dated for each day of the year. I try to read the day’s page everyday and today, May 5, has one of my favorite ones. “I release the word Should and set myself Free”. I love this one, so much. Louise points out that the word, should, gives the notion that we are wrong somehow or going to be wrong. What if we replaced ‘should’ with, ‘could’? Could is a word of choice. A conscious decision to do something. 

For example, ‘I should go to the gym and workout.’ The implied thought is, if I don’t I am wrong. But if I say, ‘I could go to the gym’, I have created a choice, a decision of my own. Now if I often decide that I don’t want to choose the gym, why? Do I even like going to the gym? Why do I feel bad about myself when I don’t go? Perhaps, I don’t like the gym but for some reason have it in my mind that if I don’t go, I am wrong. If I change the thought to ‘could’ and I find myself always saying no, perhaps the gym isn’t where I enjoy exercise. Maybe I will discover that going for a walk, run, taking a yoga class or a bike ride is more enjoyable for me. Suddenly, I feel free to make a choice rather than guilt over the ‘should’! I may find myself choosing exercise that I like and will most likely end up saying yes more often than I would if it was the gym.

Do you see this train of thought? If you think of things that you say ‘should’ to and change them to ‘could’, see what comes up. I even like doing it while paying bills. I ‘should’ pay the XYZ bill or I ‘could’ pay the XYZ bill? I may need to pay the bill but making it a ‘could’, gives me a sense of control. For me at least, this makes paying the bill more palatable. Because I could do it, I want to do it and am able to do it. 

I realize that at first it may seem like a bit of a mind game with yourself. I think that is ok because the more I do it, the more I realize I do have control over things. I have choices and I get to decide what decisions I want to make, rather than having the ‘should’ fill me with guilt, shame or resentment. It helps me to clear out the things I truly want to do rather than the ones I feel a sense of guilt around. 

I know I hear the counter thoughts to this. For example, I do need to go to work, so it is a loud SHOULD! Yes, one does need to go to work, but maybe if one makes it a ‘could' you may find that you really don’t like your work and you want to pursue something else. So, one ‘could’ go to work while they look for another job or career that fills them up. Again, it is a bit of a game one plays, but try it. 

Full disclosure, I still find myself saying ‘should’ a lot, but when I catch myself and change it to ‘could’ I feel more in control even when I choose a yes when I may want to choose a no. 

So today, I ‘could’ publish this blog post and I chose YES!

Sending lots of love and light to all.

Jan

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