

Happy Holidays everyone!
I am very lucky to be able to take my dog, Bandit, to the beach almost everyday for a walk. Today, I looked out at the ocean and the waves were tremendous, the sound hitting the shore and the spray that went up as they hit the boulders. There was seaweed and different debris on the beach that was churned up by the storm. But, just a few days ago, the ocean was calm, there were barely any breaks in the surface. I got to thinking of that saying and "the calm before the storm". Storms can be beautiful and awe inspiring, or they can be devastating leaving a wave of destruction. We don't have a choice with mother nature, we just need to prepare and do our best to ride it out. But, most of us do have some faculty over our life experiences.
Its that time of year when we celebrate different holidays, some religious, some cultural, and for others just getting together with family and/or friends is the holiday. Unfortunately we often have expectations of ourselves and others that can be unattainable and find disappointment. So, this year perhaps we give everyone a break, including the one who stares back at us from the mirror.
If you have family to see and are anticipating some tension, DON'T, just Don't. Try really really hard to just ride it out and go with the flow of the time together. For years, I used to anticipate tension and falling short of expectations, and would get myself, my kids and my husband just as anxious as myself, so much so, that they started to dread the family holidays. Now that didn't help anyone, and it turned out fine 90% of the time, so all that angst was for nothing, and when things did go awry that other 10%, it was something I never could have prepared for. I still have a bit of anticipation, but it is more excitment with just a tad bit of anxiety thrown in. The anxiety usually takes a back seat if I can remind myself to be grateful for the people around me, to breathe and settle into myself.
I don't mean to suggest that gratitude makes everything distressing goes away, it doesn't. For example loved ones who have passed away will still be missed so very much and some of us will be wondering how to 'celebrate' when they aren't at the table or sitting next to us on the couch. But, I believe in my heart and soul that those who have died would be devastated to think that any of us were missing opportunities to embrace the family and friends that are here now. I also believe that we should talk about the family that are missing, tell stories of holidays past that bring joyful memories to the surface. They can still be part of our gatherings and still bring joy to everyone.
One of the myths about grief is that if we are happy we are diminishing the loss of the individual. But, on the contrary, if we can find joy, love and community we are honoring their memories. We can miss that they aren't here while still having new fulfilling experiences.
So, take time for yourself before the storm of activity. Go for a walk, journal, have coffee with a friend, bake cookies, or just rest your mind. If we take care of ourselves it really is true that we show up as a better version ready for the storm, however it presents itself.
Remember to always be kind . We never know another's story.
Sending much love and light,
Jan
Please note if you are feeling hopeless or are suffering from severe depression and are thinking of harming yourself, please contact a healthcare professional, go to the emergency room or call the suicide hotline 988.
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