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What is Unresolved Grief?

Writer's picture: Jan WareJan Ware


Did you know there are more than 40 different life events that can cause feelings of Grief? Everyone, without exception, at some point in their lives, will experience some kind of grief. Avoiding it is impossible. The form of grief that limits life experiences is Unresolved Grief.


So, what is Unresolved Grief? The answer to that question can be many different things to each person. But, for me, as a Grief Recovery Specialist™, I go back to the definition I learned in training that seems to be universally applicable. Unresolved grief is the reliving of moments that we wish could have been different, more or better. It is also incomplete communication, things we wish we had heard from someone or said to them. 

As the Grief Recovery Method® states, Incomplete Relationships lead to Unresolved Grief and Unresolved Grief leads to Incomplete Relationships. 

Unresolved grief also leads to some unhealthy notions and behaviors. For example, some feel that after the death of a loved one, if they laugh or enjoy life too much it appears that they no longer miss the person or it looks as if they don’t or didn’t love and care for them. In other words, they aren’t sad enough. What??? Please know, This is NOT TRUE!

How long is too long, how short is too short to openly grieve. It is different for everyone and no one has walked in another’s shoes to know. But, when grief prohibits you from taking part in your life and stops you from having relationships with the people still in your life, it is time to reach out for help. 


The Grief Recovery Method® is a way to tackle unresolved grief. It has a beginning and an end. It is not therapy and the specialists are not all therapists, (although some may be). It is not associated with any religion or belief system. I looked and searched for some sort of grief program to help me when I needed it most. I feel fortunate that I found the Grief Recovery Method® and became a Grief Recovery Specialist™. As a facilitator of the method. I help my clients walk through each step helping and guiding them while also sharing some of my own journey.


The term Grief Recovery does not mean what many people seem to think it means. It doesn’t mean that one will never be sad or that you will forget a loved one who has passed or is no longer in your life. It just means that the grief will not stop you from experiencing joy and creating meaningful experiences. Unresolved grief can and will absolutely bury you in one spot if you let it. The alternative is you can walk with grief beside you and it becomes part of who you are, NOT all of who you are. You can remember loved ones with a smile, in fact, the memory can and often will bring joy to you and help propel you forward. 


So if you are experiencing grief, no matter the reason, there is help available and there are places to reach out. If you are not ready for the Grief Recovery Method® reach out to others for support. Talk to a friend or family member, or find a therapist. You can also call the National Alliance on Mental Health (Nami's) hotline availabe 10am-10pm at (800) 950-6264. You can also contact NAMI by: Texting "helpline" to 62640. In addition, the national hotline for mental health support is 988 you can call or text.


Wishing you all peace and health.

With Love and Light,

Jan

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